I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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