Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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