I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
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The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
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todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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