Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
