I want to walk on stilts...naked
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
