i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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