In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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