I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
