He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
