So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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