i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
