the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
