I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
