My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
