my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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