I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize