shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
