We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
