He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
