I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
