Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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