I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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