Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
i out mim tonsoeep
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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