you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
