I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
