Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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