No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
