yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You need Xanax blowdarts
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
