hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier