He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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