I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes