My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.