Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
tell your sister to shave her snatch
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.