my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.