I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea