god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
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just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
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I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret