If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
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