kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
