Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
