These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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