At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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