The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
