I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Randomize
