yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
