What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
So much rum. So many feels.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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