Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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