New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
