Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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