It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
