if i can run in heels then i can drive
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
