my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
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