dude i'm inner monologue high
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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