Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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