I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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