These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
