Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
