I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
