Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
