i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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