This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
