i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
