Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
