she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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