I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Is Oprah even human
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
