you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
the room spins SO much faster in panama
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
