I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
