i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
