I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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