Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
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