Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
