Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
