i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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