alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
