I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
