So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
