Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
