you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
