I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
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can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
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I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts