break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?