he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
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you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.