Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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