everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
23 People Have Step Parents That Are Younger Than Them
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?