He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
This is sufficient.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
i've created a new STD.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude