i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
It's just like the Real World with babies
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
