he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I would ride that face into the sunset
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
