You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
